The Beginning Part Two

We both stared at the two beautiful Thai women sat behind the glassed money exchange counter. We had about 400 pounds in British banknotes between us, ATM cards as back up, it was time to get some Thai coin. We guessed their English would be so bad we’d have to go into broken English mode with a little mime and theatre thrown in. The three language variations we knew were plain broken English, pigeon English and severely disabled due to a feathered arrow through one wing and limping badly pigeon English. Due to my love of western movies I decided to opt for the latter.

“Wallet want money come, you can do” that should do it I said to myself.
“Could you repeat that sir” she replied, spoken in perfect English with a slight American twang. It had been delivered with a look that said they must come from a country where English is the 53rd choice in the second language school curriculum. I upgraded her to broken English for the cash transaction, she deserved better, she merited full stops, commas and paragraphs.

Wallets reloaded we headed off. Outside the terminal we fought off the onrush of taxi drivers literally begging us to jump in and fill their motor with cigarette smoke. Somehow we found a less hassled spot of mother Thailand and an Australian chap introduced himself. Gary had been visiting Thailand for many years and on hearing we were heading down to Pattaya, gave us some advice.

It was our first time in Thailand and Gary couldn’t believe his luck. Hotels, bars, shows, soi’s(streets), you have got to meet my friends, shopping , markets and all that. I felt like asking Gary what time we could have a crap each day but decided to give it a miss. Like all good advice in life we divulged it, churned it around, spat out most of it, then swallowed what little was left.

The Australian chap, I’ve forgotten his name, advised us to jump on a bus to Bangkok’s Ekamai Bus Terminal and from there get one of the regular routes to Pattaya. Like all good advice our taxi pulled into Ekamai Bus Station not to long after with me guessing the Australian chap would still be at the airport, boring the ass off somebody wet behind the ears. We had not tasted alcohol for about fifteen hours and we had to get a beer soon, but first things first, bus tickets. Tom gave it a go this time starting with Queens English, getting a reply in third variation English and concluding the deal on a wing and a prayer. Our bus would be leaving in about two hours time, it was hot and we needed a drink.

Have you ever been walking along the side of a road minding your own business, deep in thought when unaware to you a police car or ambulance pulls level and at the same time puts on it’s siren. Scares the bloody life out of you. Well what happened next was similar but with amazing replacing scare. We were walking down a road, about five minutes away from the bus station looking for a bar, deep in conversation. This great big elephant with a bloke on top comes ambling past us on the road. Amazing, never seen anything like that in England. I wanted to shout after it ” Stop you’re heading for the airport, Gary(remembered) will bore the trunk off of you” but again I gave it a miss.

We eventually found a bar and after sinking a couple of beers started to open up about our doubts, fears and what a general mess we’d drunk ourselves into. Yesterday we were sat in an English bar and now next day sober, we had found ourselves walking the streets of Bangkok. It’s surreal what drink can do to you.

Back home we’d heard stories about tourists in Thailand getting beaten up and robbed by taxi drivers and this was part of the reason we’d opted for the bus. Having survived the short taxi journey from airport to bus station unscathed, now relaxing with a few beers we started to feel a little bit more upbeat. After a brief discussion about never having heard of a bus driver overpowering fifty five passengers and robbing them, we both agreed it was time to chill and make the most of our unexpected holiday. Besides we’d sit at the back and the bus driver would be knackered by the time he got to us.

I really do enjoy sitting on a bus and watching the world go by. Having noted that the bus driver did not measure up to my fears, more five foot two with lots of ribs than the one hundred and twenty five kilo, seven foot tall, shaven headed psycho we’d discussed over a glass of the gold stuff, I sank deeper into my seat. With our cheap and tacky sports bags well stocked with cans of beer the bus pulled away and set off for Pattaya. From deep inside me, around the rib cage level, I hoped the elephant had managed to drag himself away from Gary.

The bus rolled into Pattaya Bus Station around nine in the evening, darkness had fallen hours before. I remember thinking what a strange country we were in. It was winter time in Thailand, nine in the evening and about thirty degrees celcius, very strange when compared to an English winter. We were sweating as much as a young newspaper girl on her first delivery day approaching the gate of the Battered Pit Bull Rescue Home. We disembarked, our mood on a high and our empty beer cans hidden low at the back of the bus.

We were quickly ushered into the back of a pick up come bus, having earlier decided to find a hotel near the beach, the driver had merely nodded at our request and waved us inside. Inside was actually outside because the converted pick up had a canvas and metal tubing cover over what would have been the open back, with the side canvas rolled up to allow you to breathe in the stifling hot air.

The tailgate had been removed and a step lead up to a bench on either side. At a guess it could hold about eight passengers and it drove off with four Thai’s hanging on at the rear and about a dozen sweating bodies crammed inside. There are hundreds of these baht buses as they are known in Pattaya and you jump on and ring the bell wherever you want to depart, they’re very cheap and ultra effective. Good old Gary.

By the time we hit Beach Road there were only four of us sat in the rear, I wondered if any of the departed had fell off the back. At the time we didn’t know it but we were heading from North to South Pattaya and we rang our bell just past Soi 6. The flash of white teeth showed we had overpaid the driver but we didn’t care, booking a hotel for the night was a high priority on our list. Second things second, first we needed a drink. There was an empty looking small bar about 30 meters away and with stomachs pulled in we waddled towards it.

The bar had four tables outside and we sat down at one and breathed in the hot moist night air. A pretty young bar girl with a broad smile appeared, took our order and disappeared back inside. Putting things into collectives you get a herd of cows and a gaggle of geese, we were all of a sudden hit by what is best described as a posse of pussy, we got to our feet. Platform shoes, flashing thighs, small pert breasts, tight taut ass, we sat back down unable to run. It would be an understatement to say we were scared, but the Beginning Part Two had begun. Footnote….We never did see Gary again or the elephant. Hopefully they have married and are living together somewhere in Australia. Their days spent together rounding up sheep and the evenings sat on their veranda sipping ice cool beers