I’m Leaving On A Plain Jet

Plans….carefully laid plans. They can’t go wrong can they. My plan is quite simple, At two in the morning I get a taxi to the small hotel where my friend works, have a couple of drinks and leave in time to catch the 3-30 a.m coach to Heathrow. Arrive at 5 a.m, check in 6-30 and then off to the guest lounge. A couple of Singha beers and some food, update this post and then it’s off for my 9-20 flight to Abu Dhabi, arriving about six hours later.

The guest lounge at Abu Dhabi is top notch with top tucker and a barman who after my first Jack Daniel is already preparing the second as I get to the bar for a refill. The best bit for me is that the lounge has got a smoking room and that makes my two hour stay well comfortable. From then on it’s a six hour flight to Suvarnabhumi International Airport, Bangkok, arriving at seven in the morning local time. My plan seems pretty solid, what could possibly go wrong. I’m travelling on my own so I’ll only have myself to blame, not like years ago.

Back in the 90′s when three or more of us used to go to places like Spain, Greece and Bulgaria, our mate Barry used to organise everything. We’d just turn up with our passports and leave everything to Barry. When we checked in Barry was at the front dealing with it all and then he’d usher us all off to the bar. About two hours before our flight Barry would leave us and he could be seen pacing from one TV departures screen to another, he’d stop , rub his hand over his chin, stare for a couple of minutes and then march back to the first one. When they called boarding he’d come and get us and we’d follow him like little chicks all the way through to the plane. Barry was a great organiser, pity he never fancied Thailand, would have made things a lot simpler.

Checking in at Heathrow I discovered my ticket agent had booked me a seat near to the front, definitely not to my liking, I much prefer a seat right at the back. As my old friend Roy (now passed away) used to say, I’ve never heard of a plane backing onto a mountain, the check in staff repositioned me at the back, that’s where my problems started. Instead of issuing a new ticket they altered my boarding pass to suit and changed the details on the computer.

Passing through passport control there were two officers from a sub division of the police Money Laundering Squad stopping people, at lets say random. Sods Law and I must look like a son of a dog, I got stopped. I answered the questions, 95 pounds cash, 1700 in travellers cheques, not business just a holiday, only 3 weeks, no plans to go over the border, going to see my girlfriend, together five years. One of the officers who had been scrutinizing my passport and ticket said he needed to check things further and he asked me to stay with his accompanying colleague. A good 20 or perhaps 30 minutes later he returned full of apologies. The altered flight seat number had alerted them to possible security breaches and he explained it had taken ages to confirm this with the check in staff. Money Laundering Squad…. if I got stopped on my return, I planned to give them a big bag of ironing. Where was Barry when I needed him.

My free time shortened I snatched a couple of drinks in the guest lounge and with no time to update my blog headed off to the departure lounge. Handing over my ticket to board, the rather cute airline employee told me I had been upgraded to business class, quality, an admission of error on their part, and I had thought I’d be leaving on a plain jet. Business class, more like first class, how the other half live.

The second leg from Abu Dhabi to Bangkok and it was back to cattle class but that’s no problem to a simple Wiltshire boy. Luckily, wanting a quiet flight I was sat next to a German couple and their English was low banana and my German is on a level with Abhisit Veijajiva’s Newcastle accent. Lots of sleep.

I am now on day two of my holiday and Wonderful Wi is being absolutely wonderful but I have got to go because I am now slipping off the path of sobriety. Right now I adore the floor I walk on. One last north eastern thought, a banana is yellow and bent, an apple is red and rosy. Good luck. Hoo Don.

Carbon Footnote   I am having serious problems uploading my photographs and also have limited Internet access, please bear with me.

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