Santa Claws Is Coming To Town


Christmas shopping Mrs Santa ClausThe online Bangkok Post recently ran an article about a Bangkok taxi driver who found 200,000 baht (£3,700) in the back of his cab and after recruiting help from a radio station returned the money to its owner. A great story and one that shows Thai people in good light compared to so many of the slighting and spiteful tales that abound. To read the whole article click here.

With Christmas fast approaching I thought I would don my Santa hat and with the help of my delightful helper pictured on the right give a little bit back in the way of presents to some of the more deserving people and communities in Thailand, and a sharp reminder to some that Christmas like life is about give and not take. Beyond The Mango Juice puts its hand into its pocket and gives you Santa Claws Is Coming To Town.

Bryan Robson – Ex England football legend and now manager of the Thai national team.

Thai ladyboyBryan Robson served his country on 95 occasions and as captain for 65 of those games. He scored 26 goals for England. Thailand could do with a few of those goals now. When it came to football Bryan really was an English legend and still remains one of my greatest footballing heroes of all time. What do you give a legend for Christmas.

Thailand play neat attractive football and their skill levels are getting higher but they do lack physical presence, especially in the forward department. They need a striker with poise and self assurance. My present for Bryan Robson is a ladyboy.

Playing the alternative striker would bring massive advantages to the Thai national football team. Opposing defenders wouldn’t want to get too close and a ladyboy charging at you would scare the daylights out of the most experienced goalkeepers. Playing the right formation to suit the ladyboy’s needs would be very important. One behind with a big one in the hole would get the best out of Thailand’s new centre forward although hand to ball cautions would be a major disadvantage. Don’t mention it Bryan it’s a pleasure.

Tata Young – Beautiful Thai singer, model and actress. Tata Young

Tata Young has an American father and a Thai mother, she also has the looks and skin colour that Thai girls adore. My Christmas present for the gorgeous Thai singer is a ticket for a one month holiday in El Azizia, Libya.

El Azizia is the hottest place in the world with temperatures sometimes reaching 150 °F. After 30 days in those kind of temperatures Tata would return to the Land of Smiles nice and brown to prove once and for all to all those Isaan girls that being beautiful doesn’t mean being white.

My present to Tata is bad news for all the skin whitening cream companies who continue to flood the beauty market through TV commercials and glossy magazines, but a well tanned Tata Young would prove that ebony or ivory, it’s the size of your heart that counts.

Thai Bloggers – Under funded, overworked and unappreciated.

I’d like to give all Thai bloggers a trouble free Thailand in 2010 but one that’s not without a few juicy stories. Thaksin Shinawatra returns to Thailand. Tiger Woods and Bryan Robson are spotted together in Boys Town, Pattaya. Hotels are overbooked in Bangkok. Tata Young marries a retired English blogger in Prachuap Khiri Khan Province. Those stories should give you something to write about.

Jonny No Name – Two Week Terrorist

The two week terrorists are soon to hit Thailand as they make their annual pilgrimage to Pattaya. Loaded with big bucks they are living proof to all Thai bar girls that every foreigner has a money tree in his back yard.

I’d like to present them with the gift of a little advice.

When you leave your hotel room by all means leave your heart locked inside but please fill your pockets with respect. That ‘tart’ you abused the night before is just a working girl trying to make the best of her life. Respect costs nothing but bar girls are worth a lot more.

Thai Politics Thai Politics United

Thailand has the Democrat Party, Peua Thai Party, UDD and PAD, there might even be an ABC party for all I know but the whole political mess is too much for me.

In my childhood days red and yellow meant rhubarb and custard sweets. In Thailand nowadays the colours represent the warring factions that have divided the country and hindered both economic and social progress. I’ve hit on a present to give to them all.

If it is a politically correct thing to do within your legislative rules, I’d like to handout to all of you a football strip. I’d like you to establish a new Thai football team from your 11 best public servants and call it Politics United, the team colours are to suit.

It’s time for you all to pull together as one and everyone knows sport is a team game. Perhaps you could reverse the colours for away matches and I don’t want to hear of any plans to lay siege to the stadium if your man isn’t made captain, we’ve had enough of those things in the past. Try to avoid red and yellow cards as well.

Motala – One cool grey dude. Motala the elephant

Motala is a 44 year old female elephant who lost one of her legs over six years ago after stepping on a landmine near Thailand’s border with Myanmar. Motala has an artificial leg and is cared for at an Asian elephant hospital centre in Lampang Province, northern Thailand.

I can’t think of anyone more deserving than Motala to give a present to and I wish her the very best this Christmas. I’d like to offer Motala a giant Christmas stocking that’s filled with sugar cane, fruit, bamboo and peanuts. Look on the bright side Motala, you’ll be able to crack any Christmas nut with your prosthetic leg.

If you have any presents you’d like to give to those mentioned above or anyone else for that matter, please gift wrap them and drop them in the comment box below.

Try to enjoy your Christmas shopping and I hope like me you’re looking forward to the festive season.

Best wishes

Credits

Photograph Mrs Santa Claus by © Anatoly Tiplyashin | Dreamstime.com

Photograph Thai Ladyboy by Nicolai Bangsgaard

Photograph Motala the elephant by BBC NEWS

Photograph Football Kit by Football Kit Design

© 2009 – 2015, Martyn. All rights reserved.

19 thoughts on “Santa Claws Is Coming To Town

  1. Very well written Martyn…I too would like to see Thailand trouble free for the coming year as well as see all the elephants off the city streets and in the hands of those who only wish for their well being.

    Mostly I hope everyone finds that one spark of joy to keep them happy throughout the year.
    .-= Talen´s last blog ..Wandering throughout Thailand =-.

  2. Martyn another entertaining breakfast read. Thank you.

    I was trying to think of a suitable ladyboy centre forward but could only think of Gary Linaker(spelling?)!

    As for Tata-I might have a bit of explaining to do if MTF found her in my Christmas stocking, but I would happily rub in the suntan oil!

    Given your idea for a football team I fancy it might be difficult to find players that fit your criteria.
    .-= Mike´s last blog ..Don’t Drive Drunk in Thailand =-.

  3. Thanks Talen. I kind of stole the elephant photo off the BBC web page but I have added a link so I hope they won’t mind. The Tata Young photo I got from YouTube by stopping the video and then taking a snapshot, does that contravene copyright laws ?
    Let’s hope there’s plenty of good non disaster stories coming out of the LOS next year.

  4. Mike perhaps you’d best stick with MTF as Tata does look a bit of a handful. The football kit I designed on a website but the strip I wanted it wouldn’t let me do. Yellow and red stripes I was after. Linekar is my guess.

  5. Lawrence, I wouldn’t mind Santa Claws giving me Tata Young but as in her name the young one might be a little miffed about that. The bottom lip would take a bit of persuading to withdraw, a few thousand baht at least. More realistically I’ll settle for a good Christmas break in Thailand with some half decent daytime temperatures and good cool evenings. I’d also like Tiger Woods mobile sim card, the money I could make with that.

  6. Martyn,

    ‘Thai Bloggers – Under funded, overworked and unappreciated’

    We are supposed to get funding? 😀

    I do have a one to add – The SET Foundation.

    http://www.thaistudentcharity.org/

    I have a post on the foundation going live December 21, but since you asked…

    I wish their kids the best for 2010: Shoes, school uniforms, enough food to fuel their bodies and brains, safe accommodation, bus fares, and scholarships for all.

    And gift wrapped or no, that is what I’m asking of Santa this holiday.

    Ho ho ho…

  7. Catherine why didn’t I think of ho ho ho. I get too one dimensional with my writing at times and only see what is on the road ahead, I must look around more.

    Under funded, Try behind The Noodle Curtain at http://ricks-eastasiablog.typepad.com/ricks_east_asia_blog/2009/11/blogging-hotties-love-the-high-life.html It’s about Singapore and Malaysian bloggers who are treated like stars in their countries, loads of freebies. Mind you they are female, perhaps you should head out there.

    That is one is one sweet Christmas wish for the kids and I hope it comes true. I am now heading out to your link.

  8. Women bloggers get treated like stars in the west too. Just look at dooce ( http://www.dooce.com/ )

    When I started WLT, I did know that my audience would be small, so no aim for fame and fortune there… sigh…

    Martyn, while you are at SET, Please check out their overhead. Very nice.

  9. Since it seems almost every Thai I speak with is enamored of cold and snow I would generously like to send them all a white Christmas. I know it will be a burden, but I will generously give them all the arctic air we have here in exchange for their hot and humid tropical clime so they can all experience the joys of a cold and snowy Yule.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..Thai Airways Sues PAD Leaders =-.

  10. Catherine I checked out Dooce and its a very well written blog with a lot of humour attached, the comments were closed, perhaps she’s overran with them.

    I checked out SET and its a well put together site which promotes a worthy cause. Some of the college and university semester fees seemed quite reasonable to a westerner but quite reverse to a Thai. Is this the site you helped put together, I remember visiting one you designed last year.

    A small blog audience…look on the bright side, mine’s even smaller.

  11. Steve a lovely present for them although I think they would tire of it fairly quick. Ten degrees and they’re wrapped up to the hilt and huddled around the village fires. I checked out your location on my hit counter and it reads Reading, Pennsylvania. I had wrongly assumed you hanged out in Thailand. Thanks for the hit.

  12. Martyn, Dooce is quite a lady. Did you look into the history of being ‘dooced?’

    I visit when I need to laugh with another blogger.

    Not all of her posts are locked, only the ones she deems… too personal? She’s been on the receiving end of some nasty comment attacks, so I don’t blame her for picking and choosing which posts to lock down (I believe they are usually about her children… but I am not sure).

    No, I did not work on SET. If you look at their sidebar, you may recognise the blogs listed – Paknam.
    .-= Catherine´s last blog ..Interviewing Successful Thai Language Learners: Jonas Anderson and Christy Gibson =-.

  13. Graham I’m sure Bryan has played with and managed a few footballers in his time who fitted the bill.

    Catherine I will pop back to Dooce sometime and check it out again. It’s such a shame some people have to resort to nasty comments, so far I’ve been lucky and haven’t had one. Just lots of spam.

    Paknam seem to have their fingers in a lot of Thailand pies when it comes to the web.

  14. Tiger Woods and Bryan Robson are spotted together in Boys Town nice line look forward to the updates as always tiger woods as been a bad boy but being of issan roots i dare say his familey back home still Think he rocks
    what about tata young and tiger our does tiger still prefer blonds

  15. Yes Thailand like any country has good and bad, happy, sad, young and old, rich and poor. Wake up the world. Thai’s on the whole are good, caring people whose signature is to “smile” this does not mean they are silly, nor does it mean they are evil, just human who like the rest of the planet who is trying to survive in a world full of greed!

    I have some wonderful tales of good will, none less than when I was traveling from Vietnam to Phuket via Koh Samui. I misplaced my wallet and lost my credit cards. Not stolen, as they were returned to the my bank Yes you guessed, no money at the end destination.

    The tourist police were contacted and they gave approval for a Thai gentlemen (who had already offered) to give me a lift home. This was after airport security made a cup of tea for my son and myself. All of this at 2.00am in the morning. No!! Not all Thais are not greedy!

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